I've decided that the trip should be tomorrow afternoon.
Nobody's busy then, right?
My city's gates are opened to everybody.
(Except for Snake, Otacon, Samus, or Falcon... Because you guys stink.)

This entire city is my personal playground and tomorrow, I will be sharing it with all of you.
Please, I don't want any concern from you guys.
I assure you, you will enjoy your time here.
But I have to warn you guys.
Never ever go into the sewers.

It's... Pretty dangerous, I will say that.
But that's it.
(We're testing certain chimeras in there...
They won't get out, but I just don't want anybody in there.)

But it's not like any of you will play inside the sewers, so why worry?

So come. Enjoy.
I will be waiting with open arms.

OOC: For all you worrywarts, there's no drama this time.
It's all in good fun.

It seems like I wasn't invited over to the big race people are going to.
Kyahahahah!
What does it matter?
You guys be sure to have fun with your thumbs up your asses as you watch Falcon crash and burn.
Hrmph.
(But it is reasonable why he doesn't want to invite me, I guess. Meh.)

So, while those idiots go and have their little fun, I'm going to have my own fun as well.

New Pork City is opened to all those who wish to join me in my fun.

I'll give you a little map of the city. Here:

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/nintendo/en/images/thumb/8/8d/NewPorkCityMap.png/762px-NewPorkCityMap.png

My city is opened to all those who wish to come and have a little bit of fun.
Of course, if you'd rather watch Falcon's silly race, then go ahead. Who's stopping you?

This is my personal playground that I'm welcoming you into, free of charge.
Feel grateful, since I've never truly invited anybody ever before.

I am God.

I guess that's all there is to it~

So suddenly, pets are all right to become students in this school?
Feh.
How silly.

Why don't I just enroll Ulty (Ultimate Chimera) then or even Ms. Marshmallow.

It's not even against school rules.

You guys are so silly.

Kya, ha, ha, hah!
For those of you who don't recognize me, I am Porky Minch, the Philosophy teacher.
My body, my form...
It has become even more beautiful than it was before.
I bet you didn't recognize me at first.
I have turned considerably younger thanks to the effects of that cursed spring.
In fact, because of it, I decided to steal a few jars of that water to keep me young like this when I wish to be.

And now, you too can witness true beauty.

It came to my attention that a few fellow staff members have turned into children.
Oh, how unfortunate.
It seems you were too young to experience the sort of magic I had.

Well, all I can say is, I hope your minds have now caught up with your bodies.
Kya, ha, ha, ha, hah!!

(Of course, I don't mean you, Leon. In fact, I hope things really do work out for you.)

Aah... Classes will begin shortly.
Then, you students can truly bask in both my infinite knowledge and my glorious new form~

Ah, ha, ha, hah!
Behold, Sumabura!
I have found evidence! Evidence of one of the people who was behind all of these dastardly pranks!
I was reviewing my Porky-Bot tapes and I found something very interesting!
Falcon, I've already mentioned to you that I had Porky-Bots on the scene.
Now, let's present the evidence!

(*displays an enlarged picture of Nyx in the act. The others can't be seen*)

Kya, ha, ha, hah!
It is none other than Smash Bros. Academy's Nyx!

Hmph.
We should've known.
However, the light of justice will shine down on all criminals.

I'm afraid my passing-by Porky-Bots didn't manage to take a better look at the others, but who knows? New evidence may pop up.
I am doing my part to protect this school.
If this school doesn't have the security necessary to ensure its students safety, then I must take action.

Lo and behold, students, faculty.
Here is one of our students.

I will hand down punishments as I see fit.
I feel that the detention work should be left to me.
Hehehehe... Yes... Punishment will be swift and hard...

It has come to my attention that the girls dorms were raided on the other night.
Hrmph.
What kind of a beastly urchin the person must have been to commit such a foul act.
Hurting some innocent girls..
Except for Kumatora. Can't call her innocent. Can't call her a girl.

But anyway, rest assured.
I, Porky Minch, will track down whoever committed such acts and bring them to the light of justice.
This, I will promise.

Kya, ha, ha, ha, hah!

Teachers, I will work hard with you to make this offense right.

Well, that time is upon us, children.
Now, I don't feel like grading all of those papers.
I have a lot of things better to do than just sit down and read your half-assed papers.
So instead, we're going to do something different.
You guys are going to entertain me, got it?
Remember the second assignment I had you guys do, when you had to write your own stories from different point of views?
We're going to do something very similar.
This will be a class project and I will heavily grade you as a whole, so if one of you screws up, you all do.
Won't this be fun?

I have a few requirements for your stories, though.
You MUST include my Pig Mask Army in it and there has to be a villain.
(Not me, you dolts)
Give yourselves a role and act it out.
I'm going to talk to Mr. Mask and Mr. Waluigi if I can borrow the stage for this.

Oh, another thing.
I will lend you the Army's defective weapons as props, if you need any~
Good luck!
I'll be watching you all very closely.

(This will only include Porky's class.
I'll make an OOC post to discuss things with others.)

Did you miss me?
Good.
I've returned after managing my house just a little bit.
Not everything has been repaired, but they'll get to it in time.
Say good bye to Colonel. You won't see him for a long, long time.
Damn Pig Mask, people liking him better than me...
I've missed you guys so much.
That's why, to make up for everything, I'm going to give every single last one of you punks a huge test at the end of this week.
Yeah, you guys sure must be excited.
Well, I don't care.


By the way, to all teachers:
I'm planning a little get-together at my house.
Consider this my invitation to you for another drinking night, except much better.
Wear something formal.
I don't want to be seen with peasants in my own home.
The band, DCMC, will be playing in the theater on the 24th Floor of the Empire Porky Building.
Let's enjoy the night, shall we?

Oh, and.
To those that hate me and to those that I hate:
Don't worry. I'm too tired to do anything against you.
This is just a friendly gesture.
So, enjoy the night with me.
Let's put aside our differences...

Um.
I've been hearing people actually call me "Cutie" or "Colonel Cutie".
It isn't just one person either.

I guess... I'm flattered here that people would call me that, but...
I don't know.
It just isn't masculine...

Uh.
By the way, this school is pretty big, isn't it?
Even though it's my first week, could somebody show me around the school for a while?

I promise I'll talk to King P for extra credit.

Don't know how well he would respond, to be honest.

Um... I have in my hand a letter from King P himself.
It's about the tournament.
Let me read it to you.

"Don't think I'm backing out.
Because I'm not.

I have to cancel the tournament because of financial issues.
Damn repair fees I have to make...

Guess the money's all mine
Hah!
You idiots wouldn't have lasted a single second against me.

Think of this as my mercy towards you."

That's about it.
Oh, one more thing.
Mr. Powalski, this letter is for you.